My husband always tells me that I am an ostrich because I always have my head firmly implanted into the sand. But I say that’s a good thing. I have managed to live a very happy, mostly positive, low anxiety life. If I was to pay too much attention to all the horrible things going on around me, I would be in an anxiety ridden, depression death spiral. I really couldn’t function if I didn’t ignore so much bad stuff. My problem is that when I go to bed at night, for some reason my brain gets loose from the sand and all I do is worry. Worrying is very much a part of the territory with parenting, I know, but it’s just nuts. Here’s a list of all the things that I worry about at night.
1. The education system. Will it do right by my kids or will they get to the point where they hate school by the first grade?
2. Bullies and mean girls. Enough said.
3. Natural disasters. Will everyone starve this year because of the icy winter in the south and the horrific drought in the west? Sinkholes, droughts, tornadoes, hurricanes, snow storms, they are all getting out of control.
4. Climate Change. How will the world be when my girls are adults? Will they be safe? Will they have a healthy life without air pollution or will they have clean water to drink? Will they be living in some earth pod free of any natural stimuli or beauty?
5. Food. What the hell are they putting in our food nowadays?! Meat is all pretty much disgusting unless you slaughter your own, vegetables and fruits are all pesticide laden and packaged food is just a gmo, diabetes laced death trap.
6. Every other product out there. The chemicals! Oh my god the chemicals! We slather them onto our bodies and our children’s bodies without even thinking about what we could be doing to ourselves.
7. Whether I am doing a good enough job parenting. I want to be able to teach my children to be kind, thoughtful, considerate, smart, feisty, grateful, and every other wonderful thing. But I have no idea if I’m succeeding or completely screwing it up.
8. War. I really try to actively ignore any talk about any kind of war and this Russia/Ukraine thing is stressing me out and I don’t even know what’s going on. I get serious anxiety about that kind of thing. I can’t. I just can’t.
9. My health. I worry about my back feeling like crap every single day. I worry about not eating right, not exercising like I should and just generally not taking care of myself the way I should be. I want to be around for my girls for a very long time and I need to step it up to make sure nothing gets in the way of that.
10. My business. I lay there thinking of ways I could get more business and get my name out there more and then I start to panic a little.
This is just a little glimpse of the things that cross my mind on a nightly basis. I’m completely fine all day because I’m running around taking care of the kids and doing other things, but the second I lay down these are the thoughts that plague me. I hate it. I wish my head would stay embedded in the sand where it belongs all the time, not just during the day. It’d be much easier for me to fall asleep. Like my husband. He can fall asleep in mid sentence. If I could have a super power, that would be it. It’s Ostrich Girl! She can fall asleep at the drop of a hat! For now, it helps to write all these anxieties down and get them out of my system.